i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
