Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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