dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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