Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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