I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
