The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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