Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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