all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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