I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
