I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
