Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
