Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
