So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
