god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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