i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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