So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
