Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In America we eat man semen.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
