It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
