i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
