so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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