People in love make me want to vomit
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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