So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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