My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
