why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
