birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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