I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
