i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
