this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
