watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
