When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
