she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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