I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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