my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I could fuck to npr.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
