I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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