in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
