drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
