smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
