I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
