My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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