i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
