you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we made out on top of his cat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
