Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
