so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
