I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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