I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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