Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize