I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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