Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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