I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
