her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
