the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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