It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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