Already got asked if we're dating
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize