Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
