she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
