so that wasnt chicken after all
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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