Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
