Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize