remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
