My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
