I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
