Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
