my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize