Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
